that’s christmas to me

dear best friend,

hi 🙂 I had a lovely time with you this morning. I like the idea of making that a tradition if you like doing it, too.

I’m sorry it’s been a billion years since I’ve written anything–I’ve been so busy, as I know you know, and like I said before, I was using the time I did have to work on your letters. now that I’ve finished those, though, I’ll hopefully be back here way more often.

I don’t think I’ll get to write anything tomorrow, so I’ll do my christmas post today:

first of all, merry christmas eve! you seem to be in the holiday spirit, which I’m glad for, and I hope you have a wonderful christmas eve and christmas with your family. i’m sure it will be great, and I can’t wait to hear about it.

my general thoughts on christmas:

-when it comes to gifts…I love giving gifts but I’m always worried that whatever I give is inadequate, so it’s kind of bittersweet, I guess. like your gift, I really liked it and I thought it was thoughtful but i was still worried that you wouldn’t like it (I’m glad you did). so i tend to overthink that, but once people actually open their gifts (if they like them) it’s a nice feeling. and I do like receiving gifts, but i often send myself into a spiral of “I don’t deserve any of this” and that’s obviously not fun (or fresh). overall though I love finding the perfect gifts for people I love and I like receiving, too, even if my anxiety wants me to act like I don’t.

-I love christmas cookies!!!!!!! this deserves its own bullet point because I love them!!!!!!

-christmas eve and christmas day are the most family-filled days of the year, for me at least, and it’s…well. I really do like it, I love spending time with my family, but sometimes it’s just a lot. I love spending christmas morning/afternoon with my sunday-dinner family (plus my aunt and uncle and their kids), that’s the best part for me, and that feels like the christmas spirit to me–the only gift I’ll ever need is the joy of family and all of that, and I love the way I can honestly just feel the love in the room then (from the floor to the ceiling–sorry, couldn’t resist). that’s my favorite thing about christmastime. but the rest of it…I don’t know, there’s just a lot of seeing family members that I only see two or three times a year, and they want to know about school and my life and my plans for college and I really just don’t want to talk about myself or talk at all, and spending time with my whole big extended family is nice for a while but it gets overwhelming and I just get kind of overstimulated and ugh. sorry that was a whole mess and a giant run-on sentence. my point is that while I do love spending time with my family, it’s just a little too much in general, and the social aspect of my anxiety has been more prevalent lately so I’m not exactly looking forward to that. so I’m excited and I’m in the christmas spirit and everything, but I admit I’m dreading everything a little bit.

-that’s everything I’m thinking about at the moment, except…well, I know it’s silly, but I’m kind of sad that I won’t get to see you on christmas. like obviously we both have our families to be with and everything, I just wish I could actually say merry christmas to you. i prefer texting to talking for a lot of things, but not so much with you. it isn’t really the same. sorry, i know i’m probably pathetic, i’ll just miss you. but i hope we both have lovely christmases and enjoy the time with our families.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z-Nu351j58

I love you ❤

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